But it happens. Let's just hope it doesn't happen to Sandy B. again. I hope she leaves this bad guy for good.

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Larry
Gina, I don't remember how the story turned out, but there's an ancient legend about this captivating, beautiful Burgundy maiden named Chriemhilde, who could have married (or, at least, been married off) to a thousand different guys, some of them without tattoos. She refused to marry anybody, because she has this dream about her favorite pet falcon being devoured by two eagles. What if the falcon had been my husband? she speculates. It's just too sad. Her mom, a queen or something, told her that she was nuts, but I think the girl died a lonely high school librarian.

There's something to be said for girls being just that careful, I suppose, but Mother Nature has equipped women with all sorts of biological sniffers and X-ray vision to detect which guys would be fun to just kiss and stuff — and which guys should be asked to stay around for years and mow the lawn.

Gina, your scenario is a bit too kind to the girls. Too many of them seek to improve guys who are already perfect, except for forgetting birthdays and passing gas and stuff.

Gina
Larry, have you ever seen a group of librarians get together? They're the ones having the best time in the room and they are, trust me, the least lonely people you've ever met; whether male or female, they know how to enjoy themselves. Not only have they read all about it, they've practiced, too.

But back to Sandra Bullock, Jesse James, Lydia the Tattooed Lady. You've got a nation of women wishing that Ms. Bullock hadn't rushed into marriage with a guy whose previous wife was a porn star, but it's not surprising when, as you say, our culture places a heavy emphasis on a woman's getting married — even to pond scum (or am I misreading the "Grab Mr. Good Enough" argument? I don't think so.)

After all, the theme song for women in relationships is Carole King's "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?" while the theme song for men is Bob Seeger's "We've Got Tonight, Why Don't You Stay?" That needs to change. It's not that women and men can't find delight in one another, but like everything else, it isn't automatic and it isn't for the faint of heart.

And you're right, Larry: There is something to be said for girls being careful. And if you weren't careful entering your marriage, you might need to be especially careful as you exit it. You should probably head to the library. You'll find a great group to help you get back in circulation.

• Gina Barreca is an English professor at the University of Connecticut and a feminist scholar who has written eight books. Laurence D. Cohen is a public policy consultant and a journalism instructor at the University of Hartford.

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