in a way that avoids collateral damage with mutual friends, spouses and coworkers, and allows you to start it up again later, if you want. So don't hurl insults. Don't assign blame. Try to be polite.

Here are some tips:

• Take a deep breath. If you're mad, give yourself time to calm down. You want to be sure you really want to end the friendship.

• Try a temporary separation. You might find you miss each other and want to get back together. Hey, it has worked for married couples.

• Lie. Claim to be super busy—blame work or the kids. The experts are with me on this. They say the time to be up-front and honest with your friends is before a breakup.

• Go slowly, especially if it's a close relationship.

• Foist your unwanted friend off on another friend. Friends of mine have used this strategy on me before. (They know who they are.)

• Become a Facebook pest. I have a gay friend who has had much success getting rid of bigoted high school friends by making his status updates as flamboyant and politically charged as possible.

• Issue an ultimatum—but be prepared to lose your friends.

That's what happened to Nelson De Sousa. Last spring, he repeatedly got into heated arguments with his two best friends from high school, whom he been close to for more than 20 years. He felt they were too sympathetic to his wife's point of view after his divorce. In one day, he screamed at them both on the phone. Each of them hung up on him.

For months after that, Mr. De Sousa says there was a "cold war atmosphere" in the friendship. When he called his friends, they often refused to pick up the phone. When they did, they were icy to him.

Finally, he'd had enough. So he left a message for each one of them on their home phones: "Tag, you're it. I'm not playing this game anymore. The ball is in your court." That was last August. He hasn't heard from them since.

Now Mr. De Sousa can't hear any music by bands that were big when he was in high school, such as Duran Duran, New Order, R.E.M. or James, without feeling sad. And to make matters worse, he got engaged last week and would love to share the news with his old friends.

"I was the cutter-offer," says Mr. De Sousa, 37, a trade compliance manager from Union, N.J. "But perhaps it wasn't the best strategy."

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