8. Do it yourself. I used to be annoyed with the Big Man because we never had cash in the house. Then I realized: why did I get to assign that job? Now I do it, we always have cash, and I’m not annoyed.

9. Settle for a partial victory. Maybe your partner won’t put dishes in the dishwasher, but getting them from the family room into the sink is a big improvement.

10. Re-frame. Decide that you don’t mind doing a chore, like putting clothes in the hamper or hanging up wet towels. Surprisingly, this is easier than you’d think.

11. Don’t push for the impossible. The Big Man knows that there’s no way I’ll do anything relating to our car, so he doesn’t even ask.

12. Don’t carp from the sidelines. If your partner got the kids dressed, don’t mock the outfits. If you want something done your way, do it yourself.

13. Think about how money might be able to buy some happiness. Could you find a teenager to mow the lawn? Could you hire a weekly cleaning service? Could you buy prepared foods? Eliminating conflict in a relationship is a high happiness priority, so this is a place to spend money if it can help.

14. Be neat yourself. Remember that messy areas tend to stay messy, and tidy areas tend to stay tidy. If you want your partner to be neat, it has to start with you.

I admit that these tips are practically useless in a situation where one person is absolutely oblivious of the need to do chores. I have it easy, because if anything, the Big Man is more chore-oriented than I am. But if a person simply doesn’t care, it’s practically impossible to get him or her to participate.

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