6. If you gave a gift for the first marriage, there’s no obligation to give for the second.
Although second marriages are common, guests who attended the bride or groom’s first marriage ceremony are not obliged to give gifts for an encore wedding. Some second-time brides and grooms sometimes request that their guests not bring gifts, but Post reminds that it’s never appropriate to put gift information on an invitation. “It should be mentioned by word of mouth,” she says. When attending a celebration where the couple has requested no gifts, it’s nice to respect those wishes, although some close friends and family members will always want to give gifts.

7. If the marriage doesn’t happen, the gifts should be returned.
Post offers some old-fashioned wisdom that isn’t always followed: Wait until after the wedding to open and use any gifts that absolutely can’t be returned. Proper etiquette dictates that if the wedding is canceled before it happens, all the gifts should be returned to their senders. If a marriage ends soon after the wedding, the couple should send back any gifts that haven’t been opened yet.

If the couple uses their gifts but then cancels the wedding, it’s appropriate to write a note explaining why they can’t return the gifts. A simple “I’m sorry, we just couldn’t wait to open that case of wine!” is fine. “Don’t get into discussions about reimbursements,” says Post, “because then you get into awkward questions like ‘How much money did you spend on us?’” The situation is already uncomfortable, so simply apologize and move on.

Weddings may seem full of pomp, propriety, and old-fashioned arbitrary rules, but they’re really just governed by common sense and good manners. Whether you’re attending a wedding (or three) this summer or are planning one of your own, just remember to give thoughtfully and thank graciously.

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