Right chaps, this film is was made for you. Yes all of manly-kind. Cowboys & Aliens is more manly than having a stick specifically for stirring paint. A cock-shaped stick. With tits on.

Forget the stupid name, we know it’s crap, like they’ve mashed two genres together and hoped that someone else would have a good idea. But look, it’s got James Bond and Indiana Jones in it! Would you like to tell them you don’t like their films?

They’re really tough and they’ll beat you up with whips and special devices to cause you absolute agonising man pain. Thought not.

Every man needs to see this film. It’s got Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford in it, which can only be a festival of moody looking off into the middle distance followed by outrageous stunts and intense violence. It’s directed by John Favreau [I read that as 'John Fashanu' which would be a very different film - Ed.], the guy that did Iron Man. Yeah. Tony Stark made you feel inadequate too didn’t he?

You need to man up. Watch this film and maybe you’ll learn something.

The trailer doesn’t give much away, but we are expecting a mysterious start in a dusty Western setting which would make Ol’ Clint feel at home. Then someone starts pouring testosterone on the script and Craig gets all punchy, then arrested, then all moody and tries to outscowl Indy.

And then stuff starts blowing up.

Because spaceships arrive.

Yes, we know how that sounds. Rubbish. But have a look at the trailer, it’s awesome. They don’t go overboard with the aliens, the fight scenes are all the more brutal for their realism and Craig’s bracelet/WMD becomes all the more awesome with it’s increasing weirdness.

Ford and Craig’s blossoming friendship is not an on-screen reacharound like most ‘buddy movies’, there’s some woman involved but she’s neither token tart or drippy damsel. She’s a manly woman. Or something.

Summer 2011 can’t come around quickly enough. This could be the perfect cocktail of movie genres, intense action, old school tough guy acting and flatout coolness. It’s got the classic “man with no friends/name/past/morals” western storyline and adds in the “blowing stuff up is really cool” element of sci-fi and action.

This film is going to become a right of passage for future males. Along with the first shave, passing the driving test and losing the V plates, Cowboys and Aliens will become one of those moments that make us dewy eyed as old men.