The Justin Bieber fever -- nay, epidemic -- has infected the cover of Vanity Fair. In a look that recalls Mad Men and the bubblegum pop era, this portrait of the young singer should rival VF's typical "reporting rigor" found in Lady Gaga's cover spread from the fall. We kid. But seriously, this is a big deal for the Biebs. This a mag printed on quality paper that can cover the Kennedys, Warren Buffett, and WikiLeaks with clout. In an excerpt posted today -- along with the tantalizing newsstand candy to the right -- we find out the the boy suffers from insomnia, he loves Michael Jackson and Boyz II Men, and his bodyguard helps him facilitate an occasional rendezvous with a young lady.

Still, there are some vexing things surrounding this story and its presentation. Five problems with Vanity Fair's take on Justin Bieber that might make you spit out your Sunny D follow below.

Will Smith told Justin Bieber to read Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!, characterized by Slate as a book preaching "that you'll never get rich by chasing a higher salary -- apparently the Protestant work ethic is for suckers. What you need to do is 'concentrate your efforts on only buying income-generating assets.'":
And he actually did. Uh-oh.

A song too dirty for Justin Bieber fans to ever hear is prominently referenced:
"The men don't know/But the girls understand." -- "Back Door Man," Willie Dixon, 1961

​The Vanity Fair photo spread accompanying it has most likely turned this girl into a stalker:
"Before this shoot, I was a fan but I wasn't like crazy psycho. Now I sorta am."

It features the most untrue thing Usher has said about Justin Bieber to date:
"It was the antithesis of Disney and Nickelodeon."

There's just too much similarity between these two shots:

Regardless, you can obtain the February issue of Vanity Fair nationally and on the iPad on Tuesday, January 11. Or, in New York or Los Angeles on Thursday. At your own risk!