很多人写邮件，习惯查下金山词霸，然后拿写词组和大词去套，或者把简简单单的一个句子写得颠三倒四，掺杂了很多冗余的信息。
 
　　如果你们有更好的表达方式，也请发在这里。如果有老外志愿帮助我们进一步改进这封邮件，我也会很感激。
 
　　至于提高邮件写作，不是一朝一夕的事情。需要你们去买一些好书不断地模仿和联系，并研究下你们外国客户的邮件。不过还是有几点大家需要注意的：
 
　　1.不管你的英文很强还是很烂，千万别搞错数字。有时候你辛辛苦苦写了一封邮件，在遣词造句上花了很多功夫，但是把数额，金额，数量等搞错了。你的邮件就彻头彻尾失败了。
 
　　2.在你摁下发送按钮之前，一定要double check一下。发邮件是一件覆水难收的事情。如果你实在没空重新检查一遍，也一定要看看数字是否正确，有些句子的意思有没有弄反了。
 
　　3.要记住，不要用大词，不要用那些迂腐的古董般的啰哩啰唆的表达方式。比如please be advised that…Should you required any further clarification please do not hesitate to contact the undersigned. 
 
in view of the fac that , it has come to my attention that这样的表达方式并不能让你看起来更醒目。
 
　　4.把句子写得短一点，逻辑简单一点，逗号和连词少一点，转折少一点。商务邮件不是一个你炫耀你写长句能力的地方。尽量短一点，如果你没法写短剧，想想你是在发电报，多一个就多好多钱的。你可以发电报说：父病重，速回。但是不要说“我们的父亲正躺在我们老家的创伤，垂垂危矣，如果你不赶快回家，你就不能见他最后一面了。要记住，邮件就和女人的裙子一样，越短越好。
 
　　5. 如果你处于比较弱势的或者被动的地位，或者你觉得自己的英文不够好，请多研究对方的邮件。如果你觉得自己的英文太牛逼了，比那些老外都要好，有时候也要尽量采用对方的表达方式。因为这样他们理解起你来就容易多了。当然，如果对方是英语国家的人，你想要炫耀就随意吧。
 
　　6.除非你想要特别强调某一点，尽量不要用大写。很多老外写邮件会通篇用大写，你也可能觉得大写很洋气，其实不是这样的。首先，除非对方是英语国家的人，否则大部分人理解用大写写的邮件是有点困难的，你必须花很多的时间去理解其内容。而且大写让人感觉你在叫嚣。
 
Dear Brad,
 
After we receive the sample of Air Release System and instruction you sent to us, we’ve found that it is effective only for steam cooking. However, most of the recipes for PC are related to soup (such as pettitoes, pork ribs, chicken, beef and so on, together with some vegetable, are cooked in lots of water and form soup ) .
 
Thank you for the sample of Air Release System and the instruction. We find it only works for steam cooking. However, most of the PC recipes are for soups, such as pettitoes, pork ribs/steaks, chicken, etc. which are cooked in a lot of water with some vegetables. 
 
Kelvin suggests that Air Release System can also preserve the vitamins, so maybe we can apply it

to our high end products.
Therefore, we expect to understand its effective on preserving vitamin, and how it works to realize this function, in order to have a better understanding on its function, and further to decide whether to introduce it to domestic China.
 
As Kelvin suggested Air Release System works/worked well at preserving vitamins, and we think it might be a good idea to use it on our high-end products. So we hope to get a better understanding of how it works on preserving vitamins, and decide whether to introduce it to China or not.