3. Schedule Time For Each Other 为对方排出时间

If you were worried about killing spontaneous romance by scheduling time with your partner,  you wouldn’t be reading this. For the rest of us with busy lives and hectic schedules, an exhausting Wednesday is easier to handle knowing that Thursday at 6pm we get a few hours with our best friend.
如果你担心和你的爱人安排时间相处会扼杀随意地浪漫，你不会阅读这些。对剩下过着匆忙生活和繁忙行程的我们来说，一个精疲力尽的周三更容易掌控知道周四晚上6点我们会有一些时间与最好的朋友相处。

All that’s left is to actually be present with your partner during the focused time you have together. This, according to all voices heard in my less-than-scientific survey, is one of the hardest parts of any long-term relationship.
现在剩下的是实际与爱人在重点时间内共同度过的时间。根据我的不能称为科学的调查中的声音，这些，是所有长久爱情关系中最难的一部分。

Dinner with kids at the table doesn’t count as real presence. Sitting on the couch while you both have laptops running in front of you doesn’t count either. In fact, most of the things we do as couples fall into the realm of proximity instead of true presence. A simple test (thanks, Debbie!) is to see if you need to get your partner’s attention before talking for them to hear what you say. If you do, they weren’t really there to begin with.
与孩子在饭桌前吃晚饭不能算作真正的共处，你们一起坐在沙发上使用着笔记本电脑也不算真正的共处。事实上，大多数我们以情侣身份做的事掉进了以“接近”取代“真正”共处的范围。一个简单的测试（谢谢Debbie!)是，在对他们谈话前看看是否你需要去引起爱人注意去倾听你说的是什么。如果你需要的话，他们不是真的准备好了。

You’ll be tempted to use your regular time together as the time for you to angrily vent and argue. Don’t do it! This is your time to catch up with the person you love. If you can’t think of something wondrous and warm to say, chew on silence and just be. There’s something about focused presence with a loved one that helps troubles sink away just a bit. Make the most of your time together!
你会被诱惑去使用经常一起的时间去发泄愤怒和争吵。不要这么做！这是你用来迷住你爱的那个人的时间。如果你不能想到出色的、热情的话去说，就仅仅仔细考虑。尽可能多的共处！

4. Agree On How To Argue  商定如何争吵

Sometime when you’re not even a little angry with each other, sit down and talk about how you fight. Then lay down some rules you both agree to follow during future arguments.

有时候当你对对方很生气时，坐下然后谈论怎么争论。然后列出一些你们都同意的规则供将来吵架时遵守。

Mary, a 74 year-old mother of four and widow of two shared three of her rules:
Mary，一位拥有4个孩子的妈妈，两次丧偶。她分享给大家三条规则：

Nobody leaves during an argument without saying where they’re going.
· 吵架时，在不说清楚到底该怎么办之前，没人会离开。

Arguments that last longer than 3 days are obviously stupid and will not be allowed to continue.
· 吵架吵过三天是明显的愚蠢，这是不能被准许继续吵的。

An argument will never mean that the relationship itself is in question.
· 一次吵架永远不代表这段关系它本身有问题。

Mary’s final rule resonated with me because that’s something I work very hard to do in my own relationships. One of the most difficult but smartest things to say during an argument is, “I love you but I’m so pissed at you about/for/because [insert argument here].” Keeping the argument separate from the relationship status is key to getting things back on track. You could call it a shortcut through very dark woods.

Mary的最后一条规则和我产生共鸣，因为这是我在自己的爱情关系中所努力去做的。争吵中一个最难也是最聪明的做法是说：“我爱你，但是我对你很生气关于/因为/......(争论内容)”。让争吵与爱情关系相分离的状态是使一切回到正轨的关键。你可以称它为走出迷路森林的捷径。
   

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