Learn strategies for coping with eight of the most grating personalities

Ever feel like you have to bite your tongue, smile and nod just to get though your day? We asked etiquette experts for their best tips on how to deal with eight irksome personalities you’re bound to encounter often, whether on the job, in your family or out on the town.

The Close Talker

As portrayed in a memorable episode of Seinfeld, the close talker positions her face mere millimeters from yours, making it exceedingly difficult to carry on a conversation (you’re too focused on dodging spittle and avoiding direct inhalation of funky breath smells). When taking two steps back feels rude and obvious, here’s an alternative: “What I tend to do is take one leg and pivot it to the side so my body is no longer directly facing the person,” says Palm Beach–based etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore. If you’re at a crowded party, you can also hold your cocktail out from your body to encourage the space between you to gradually widen. Keep in mind that the close talker might simply be hard of hearing or from a different cultural background, notes San Antonio, Texas–based etiquette expert Diane Gottsman. “The norm in the U.S. is to speak at approximately arm’s length, or the distance of a handshake, but the definition of personal space varies among different cultures,” she says.

The Excessive Toucher

Whether she’s ducking in for an overly familiar hug too early in your relationship or distractingly stroking or jabbing your upper arm during conversation, this personality type also lacks a sense of personal boundaries. If you’re uncomfortable simply saying you’re not much of a touchy-feely type, the easiest way to dodge contact is to use props whenever possible, says Marblehead, Massachusetts–based etiquette expert Jodi R. R. Smith. “Try to sit down at a table opposite her, or hold something—a plate of food, even a child—to create a barrier between you and the other person.”

Debbie Downer

Saturday Night Live based an ongoing sketch on this familiar character, who possesses an uncanny knack for putting a negative spin on just about anything. To avoid letting her glass-half-empty outlook deflate your mood, pose questions in a strategic manner. “Instead of ‘How was your vacation?’ ask, ‘What was the best part of your vacation?’” Smith suggests. “And when the person is telling a tale of woe, listen, then ask, ‘So what did you learn from that?’” Whatever you do, resist the temptation to join her for an occasional group therapy session about office politics. “Complaining often begets complaining, so be sure not to chime in—not even a little!” Gottsman adds. Instead, she suggests saying that for 2010 you’ve decided to start looking on the bright side of things and that it feels great, so maybe she should join you.

Ms. Me, Me, Me

This personality type quickly steers any conversation back to her own ongoing personal dramas. Not only is this habit annoying, it breaks a basic rule of etiquette. “Being a good conversationalist really is all about asking the other person things about him or herself,” Whitmore notes. However, in this case, you should probably suspend that rule of thumb and cease asking questions about the other person once the conversation starts to feel boringly one-sided. “If you’re really good friends, you can steal a line from Bette Midler and jokingly say, ‘Enough about you. Let’s talk about me!’” Gottsman says. With others, you might try, “Nice chatting with you—next time remind me to fill you in on some of the things I’ve been up to!”

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