Wearing the right thing, having the right look and trying to fit in was all part of the lifestyle. I constantly got different answers on what look was in and there was constant competition to have "the latest" in the industry. Rejection was also a big part of it. A picture that was really contemporary and accepted one month was completely shunned three or six months later. I soon learned that you're only as hot as your latest pictures. There was no longevity in any of it.

In the fashion industry you're always striving to keep up because there's always someone else trying to take your place. I began living a very self-centered life. "Me", "myself" and "I" were my three favorite words. I was consumed with my career and getting ahead. I wasn't on the lookout to help anyone or be distracted by anyone. It was during this time in Paris that I began questioning what had happened and how I reached this point. I thought back to a crucial time in my life.

A classmate from high school had invited me to a concert at her church. I accepted because half of the teen group were boys and the church was very large, so I knew this could be fun. At the close of the concert the musician said he had some good news to tell us. I thought he was going to tell us about his first record deal or something. Instead, I learned that day that God loves me, and it's because of that great love that He sent His Son Jesus to take the punishment for all the sin in my life. That night I thanked God for forgiving me and asked Him to come into my life and change me so that I could live for him.

But now, only a few years later, life had lost its true meaning. I had neglected my relationship with God and began to choose my own direction. I felt so empty because I was living for myself and the approval of others. I asked God to forgive me once again and invited Him back into my life. I started getting to know Him better by reading the Bible and praying, and I can honestly say that having a relationship with Christ has given me more happiness and self-esteem than living a life for myself.

There's more to life

My relationship with God brings a real sense of balance and keeps me from being self-absorbed. I've been able to help many younger women who want to get into this industry. I can give them honest information and spare them a lot of heartache and wasted time. I can be a role model to them.

One of the myths of being beautiful is that with it, you can have it all. Yet some of the most beautiful women in the world are the most insecure. Beauty may bring a type of security, but it is an artificial security where you are building on something temporary that will fade. If that's all you have and you build your life around it, it can come crashing down very easily.

Train your mind

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