No. 4: Dermaroller

 This gadget, consisting of nothing more than a long stick attached to a small wheel, looks strangely like a miniature medieval torture device. The Dermaroller’s wheel is covered in pins that you are supposed to roll over your skin. The small pins attached to the surface of the wheel actually penetrate your skin. This simple process is supposed to increase blood flow to the skin in your face, thereby significantly improving the quality of your skin. These claimed improvements include reducing the size of your pores, correcting transitional acne, removing the grey scales prevalent in aging skin, softening skin, and encouraging new skin cell development. However, this simple process is not painless, and rolling small pins across the surface of your skin can easily cause bleeding. On top of the side-effects, the Dermaroller does not make any noticeable changes in the health of your skin, unless used for a prolonged period of time. Even then, there is something quite disturbing and nonsensical about purposely injuring yourself and cutting small holes into your skin to improve your skin’s beauty. Only purchase this product if you have a secret passion for masochism.

No. 3: Beauty Magnets Party Prep One-Day Face Magic

The concept is simple: take tiny magnets attached to sticky pads and place them all over your face. Let the magnets sit on your face for up to an hour and magically improve your skin tone. The magnets allege to increase the blood’s circulation to the region. In fact, the advertisement proclaims, “To revive and awaken your skin, 30 minutes of relaxation with Beauty Magnets is the perfect party preparation.” Not only will wearing these Beauty Magnets make you look like a perfect moron, but the magnets make your skin feel tingly and itchy throughout the process. Once the 30 to 60 minute process is complete, there is absolutely no evidence of any difference in the appearance of your skin as a result of your moderate suffering. In fact, a woman using these magnets can only succeed in looking like she was involved in a tragic face-shaving accident.

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